


This Is Me, On My Knees

by klloydbanks



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-14
Updated: 2012-07-14
Packaged: 2017-11-09 23:00:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/459440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klloydbanks/pseuds/klloydbanks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>R, 2.5k AU Everybody does stupid things on vacation. Unbeta'd, Written for this prompt: <br/>(360): Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated? <br/>(903):Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Me, On My Knees

Jensen was what most people would call a nice boy. He’d been in a grand total of 4 relationships in his life, always waited for the second date to kiss and he never took guys home from the bar. He liked to think of himself as old fashioned romance and waiting for the right man. Of course he’d never say that out loud or one of his friends would kindly remind him that the reason he’s so old fashioned and romantic is because the one time he went for spontaneous and slutty he got his heart crushed by his best friend.

He’d met Jared on the first day of his freshman year of College. They were both stuck taking Psych 101 and instead of trying to pay attention to the class they passed the time drawing lewd comics to each other and then writing storylines for them. By the end of the semester Jensen had gained a respectable 76 for the class, a notebook full of the adventures of Captain Cock and his trusty sidekick Lieutenant Sweaty Balls and a new best friend.

Jared and Jensen were completely inseparable after that. They ate their meals together, took electives together, both got jobs at Toys R’ Us and when the time came to move out of dorms, it was only rational that they move in together. It wasn’t until the move that Jensen’s feelings for his best friend changed.

It was one thing for them to be friends, for Jared to pop up to Jensen’s dorm to watch the game or for Jensen to make enough sandwiches for two; it was quite another to live together, sharing a bathroom, sharing bills. Jared took to doing the things Jensen hated like taking out the trash, raking the leaves and cooking while Jensen suddenly found himself throwing his and Jared’s laundry together and cleaning the bathroom once a week. They worked together flawlessly, the perfect symbiotic relationship, like that bird that eats insects off of rhinos. It was comfortable and domestic and Jensen unknowingly let himself fall completely in love with his perfect puzzle piece.

It was all so easy. Except that Jared was in a committed relationship with funny, smart, beautiful Rebecca. So Jensen tried his hardest to bury his feelings, settling for bear hugs, waffle Sundays and sleeping in Jared’s bed after scary movies while he watched someone else get all the love he so desperately wanted. That was his life for three long years.

The trip to Mexico was supposed to be this awesome way to close out College and start their real lives. It was also supposed to be a great way to distract Jared from the fact that he and Rebecca had abruptly and viciously broken up two weeks before graduation when Rebecca informed everyone she’d accepted a two-year internship in Portugal.

It had started as a normal, relaxing vacation. Mostly they sat by the pool drinking a copious amount of frilly pink cocktails. One day they went out to the beach where Jensen complained about sand in his shorts and Jared built him a lovely sand mansion. Another day they took a day trip to the Mayan Ruins so Jared could geek out, something Jensen always enjoyed watching. It was awesome and granted Jared was being a lot more hands-on than normal but overall it was going exactly as planned.

And then for some fucking reason they decided that Wednesday was the perfect night to drink tequila and go dancing. After a few shots Jared’s dancing did not improve and he made the executive decision to take the party back to their room to save himself the embarrassment. Unsurprisingly partying in their room quickly devolved to body shots which then naturally bridged into Jensen sucking Jared’s cock until he couldn’t taste anything but sweat and skin and come.

The next day, instead of talking about it like civilized adults they simultaneously decided to let themselves play happy vacation couple for the rest of the week. Jensen hadn’t been too worried about it because it was Jared, they were best friends and they’d talk about it when it was time. In the meantime they held hands and made out slow and lazy in the sunshine, Jensen would wake up to Jared licking across the freckles on his shoulders and he’d go to sleep sweaty and sated in the arms of his best friend, his lover. It worked; it was amazing and Jensen had never been happier.

Of course eventually the vacation had to come to an end. Jared was twitchy and jumpy on the flight home, putting his iPod on the entire time and subtly shaking off Jensen’s attempts to hold his hand. The drive home was long, awkward and nearly silent but Jensen suffered through it, waiting until they got home to address Jared’s behavior.

Once they were through the door with their luggage, Jared practically made a run for his room but Jensen wasn’t letting him go that easy. “Jay what is with you, you’ve been acting weird since we left.”

Jared flinched at the sound of his voice and tossed his response over his shoulder, distinctively not looking anywhere in Jensen’s direction. “Jensen can we not right now? I’m really tired.”

That just pissed him off more ‘cause it was Jared who’d pretended to be asleep with his ear buds in the entire flight. “No, you need to tell me what the hell is going on.”

The fire in his tone seemed to ignite one in Jared as well. He slammed his luggage down and whipped around to face Jensen, face set indignant and breathing deep. “It was a mistake Jensen. Is that what you want me to say? We fucked up. I broke up with Rebecca not even a month ago and you just…” He threw his arms up, looking defeated and deflated and it wasn’t enough because Jensen’s heart was cracking. “We just shouldn’t have done it Jensen, Becks… she deserves more than-“

“Don’t I?!” Jared’s head momentarily tilted like he didn’t quite understand where all of Jensen’s hurt and fury had come from and that just made it worse. “Don’t I deserve more than this?! You fucked me Jared. You kissed me and fucked me and I was supposed to feel safe with you, I trusted you and this is what you give me?”

He stormed past Jared towards his room before he could say anything else, humiliate himself any further.

“Jensen, wait.”

He turned around, throwing up his hands and letting Jared see the tears, letting him see exactly what he’d done. “For what?” Jared floundered for a moment, searching for something to say and coming up empty. “Yea. You know what, I don’t think I can be here with you anymore.” He grabbed his suitcase and made his way back to the front door, grabbing his keys and telling Jared he’d send someone over to pick up his things.

He somehow managed to drive himself to Danneel’s and just managed to explain everything before collapsing on her spare bed, completely exhausted. His eyes were scratchy and his heart was hurting but sleep wouldn’t come. It was the first night since Tuesday he’d slept without Jared and he couldn’t remember feeling colder or lonelier in all his life.

Danneel and her boyfriend went to pick up his stuff the next day, quietly depositing everything in her spare room like an unspoken invitation Jensen couldn’t have been more grateful for. He took his time putting everything away, decidedly not thinking about Jared or what his skin looked like with the morning sunlight filtering in through the windows. Danni found him just before bed curled up in bed wearing one of Jared’s old t-shirts that happened to have made its way into his wardrobe over the years.

“You know if it helps he’s miserable too. Just about broke down when I said you were coming to stay with me.”

“Doesn’t help. I still love him and he still hates me and it’s all I can think about. He’s all I can see when I close my eyes, his smile and his skin. It’s like I had this perfect life for a few days and all it cost me was everything.”

“Oh honey Jared could never hate you. I think he’s just a little confused and overwhelmed with all this. This is one time when he really needs his best friend and… well. I’m not saying what he did was ok but maybe try to understand what he’s going through.”

He fell asleep cradled in her delicate arms thinking about the Mayan Ruins and frilly pink cocktails.

The next few weeks passed in a hazy rush. Jensen started his new ‘grown up’ job, started searching for apartments and even went on one wildly unsuccessful date with a really nice guy named Eric from his office. He was really into photography and indie music and Jared would’ve hated him. Jensen explained that he wasn’t really ready to date and Eric was super understanding. They had actually become friends since they failed spectacularly at dating and Jensen was monumentally thankful to be fitting in at work.

The point was, no matter how poorly he was doing it, he was moving on with his life. He was putting himself back together, piece by piece and even though he missed Jared like nothing he’d ever felt before, he was surviving.

He felt like maybe he was on the way to becoming okay again. So naturally that’s when Jared texted him.

**Jared (09:19 PM)** I miss you.  
 **Jared (09:22 PM)** Jens?  
 **Jared (09:23PM)** Please?  
 **Jared (09:25 PM)** Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

He knew it was just Jared trying to break the tension. Just Jared trying to edge his way back into Jensen’s life but Jared had torn him apart and Jensen was still sore so he quickly texted back, “ _Looks like I’m more than just your Mexico mistake”_ before turning his phone off and blinking away the rapidly forming tears.

It was 12 minutes later and he was unsuccessfully attempting to lose himself in an episode of Modern Family when Jared busted through the front door without knocking.

“You weren’t a mistake.”

“What? What’re you- Jared you can’t just-“ It was the first time he’d seen Jared in three weeks and the sharp pain in his heart was making it a little difficult for his mind to form complete thoughts.

“I’m sorry but I tried to call and it went straight to voicemail and this is too important. Jensen you were never a mistake, you were so perfect. I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a fucking tool I am for ever saying that to you.”

It had been a long few weeks where Jensen hadn’t had much to do but analyze and overanalyze the situation. He was tired and worn out and he couldn’t fight about it anymore. “Maybe you were right Jay-”

“No, I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. I was just confused ‘cause I was supposed to be all fucked up about Rebecca and I couldn’t even think about her, it was all you. Everybody thought I was gonna marry her and I took one look at the freckles on your stomach and I forgot all the reasons I hadn’t been with you for years. Then I felt terrible that this three year relationship suddenly meant nothing when you looked at me like… You remember that first day of Psych when I was on the verge of falling asleep and you leaned over and said ‘how well can you draw a penis?’”

“Yea.” His voice cracked but he couldn’t clear his throat, too afraid to break the shaky moment between them.

“I swear man, I saw sparks.”

“Really?”

“Yea but you were dating that moron art student who was all tortured from his middle class suburban life or whatever.”

“Jeremy.” He used to laugh when Jared would call him Jeremy the jackass.

“Fuck I hated that douchebag so much. Look, bottom line is maybe we’ve never got the timing right and maybe I’m gonna fuck it up again but I think we can be amazing together instead of lonely and broken without each other. I missed you so Goddamn much these last few weeks I felt like I was dying and I didn’t know how to fix it. I couldn’t figure out a way to apologize the way you deserved but I couldn’t be away from you anymore. I just know I never wanna feel like that again. I love you Jensen and I wanna be with you, long run, til the end. You tell me how to fix it and I’ll do it, I’ll do anything.”

Jared looked worn out and tired but incredibly hopeful, like everything he had left was riding on Jensen’s answer.

“Tell me you’re sorry.”

“I am. I’m so fucking sorry Jensen it’s-“ Jensen held up his hand, not wanting embellishments or needless words, just the truth.

“You and me? Endgame?” He took a step closer to Jared, letting himself be wrapped up in his all too familiar smell and looking straight into his tired hazel eyes.

“Forever, if you’ll have me.” It was so honest, so sincere and Jensen was too tired of being away from him. He stepped up to Jared, sliding his eyes closed and tilting his head up until their lips met in a soft, hesitant glide. It was the perfect, sweet first kiss they never had.

It didn’t stay soft and innocent long. They were both exhausted and desperate for each other and soon Jared was pushing him back on to his bed and trying to pull his pants off simultaneously.

They never did manage to get completely naked but Jared rid them both of their shirts and pushed at their jeans enough to pull their cocks out, lining them up and rutting down onto Jensen’s body. It was completely juvenile and Jensen normally would’ve felt ridiculous humping up against Jared like a hormonal teenager but he was too desperate and it didn’t feel so ridiculous with Jared’s harsh panting breath in his ear.

They both came quickly, with Jensen scratching down Jared’s back and Jensen biting down on Jensen’s collarbone. It wasn’t the grand reunion sex either had been after but it was enough, after weeks apart, to let their own loneliness and frustrations bleed out. Besides, they had all the time in the world now.

Jared wiped them both off with his discarded t-shirt, kicking off his jeans and curling up behind Jensen once he’d done the same. Jared’s body heat was the best kind of blanket and before long Jensen found himself drifting off only to be startled back by Jared’s voice, ringing loud in the quiet room.

“Jensen?”

“Mmm.”

“Will you come back home now?”

“Maybe.”

“Jens?”

“Mhm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Jay.”


End file.
